Bittersweet Visitation

© Copyright 2011 Cindy Murdoch (homesteadbound)

We have all experieced that giddy, clumsy, all-consuming first love. A love that wobbly learns to stand like a newborn foal slowly gaining confidence in itself. You know ... the love that always has a fairytale ending, where the story ends happily ever after. But most of us learn that fairytales are just stories that create false expectations ... of ourselves ... and of another.

But what happens when the fairytale keeps playing long after most of the characters have departed to inhabit different stories. An emptiness and void is all that lingers for the character remaining ... wishing and yearning for something that can never be. Trying to create a new story of their own, haunted involuntarily, yet welcoming the visitation of the long lost love with a bittersweet passion.

In the following setting, our main character has been betrayed by her first love but seems unable to let go of the dreams she once had, and the innocence of the fairytale ending. Finding herself wanting to start a new story but unable to close the book on the story already underway ... she finds herself torn between the two.

Why do you haunt me, so many years have gone by

Oblivious to chains that will not release me

Existence without purpose and you don’t even know

Creating a life wretchedly hollow beyond empty

Once, magically held spellbound, enchanted by you

Bewitched beyond reason, betrayed beyond compare

Desperately hoping he’ll redeem me from this darkness

Gazing into his eyes, even now longing for yours.

My eyes locked on yours, entranced by your gaze

Then desperately panicked when yours strayed away

Could learn to trust fully in the gaze of this other

Were those eyes not the same color as yours

The hands that once trembled at your touch

Fell away sadly when forsaken by you

Now desperately cling to those of another

Trying to erase the memory of you

The sparkle that was mine brought forth by your presence

Painfully died when carelessly tossed aside crushed

Has learned to brighten at the thought of another

Until once again darkened by the shadow of you

The lips you once sampled, nectar so sweet

Spurned when yours you shared with another

Now brush his skin lightly whispering his name

Aching with longing, wishing to say yours

My body you eagerly lusted and yearned for

Too young, not ready to be given just yet

Now savored and pleasured, nothing held back

Aching, longing, yearning . . . ready now too late

Desperate young love, precious first love

Consumed us completely, dealt just once in each life

Untainted and innocent, eager yet shy

Deeper than any that could possibly follow

The heart you once carelessly flung to the side

Wounded and hurt, so many small pieces

Gathered so tenderly, held together now

By the love of another, while hopelessly wishing to forget

Were it not for the nights and the dreams ushered in

I would choose to forget you, this longing suppress

But nightly you visit, inhabiting my dreams

Endless days spent awaiting your bittersweet visitation

All Rights Reserved

© Copyright 2011 Cindy Murdoch (homesteadbound)

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